A PEBBLE IN MY SHOE:
The Life & Times of John Shelby Spong

A Review by Bishop Spong (con't)

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  For an autobiography to have integrity it must be honest and that requires the willing vulnerability, not just of the author, but of those closely related. I could not tell my life story without revealing that my father was an alcoholic for this fact changed my life dramatically.  In a similar way my self-understanding and values were also shaped by the debilitating mental illness that for fifteen years engulfed my first wife, Joan, before she ultimately died of breast cancer in 1988. No one could possibly understand my life without knowing this piece of my history.   The affected people had to agree before I could undertake this project. They did, and so I engaged this task.

   Two years ago through the combination of a suggestion from a friend, a small grant made available by a non-profit foundation, and a conversation between my publisher, Mark Tauber, and Colin Cox, a talented Hollywood playwright, this play, "A Pebble in My Shoe," was commissioned and now I was watching the story of my life unfold on that stage before me.

   Some scenes brought out of the audience gales of laughter. There were also moments that for me were so emotional as to bring forth both literal tears and a shaking body that I could not control. Reliving my first wife's descent into mental illness and later her death made me deeply aware that those wounds have not yet healed. I was forced to relive the hostility that I had absorbed from the Ku Klux Klan, including its threat to rape my 6, 3 and 1 year old daughters, if I did not stop my "race mixing foolishness." The angry response I received from homophobic fellow bishops when I moved against that prejudice was brought anew to my consciousness. The disillusionment I felt at the betrayal of those liberal hierarchical figures who talked courageously, but who, when the pressure came, collapsed and ran for cover in the closet of institutional security, was endured anew. The experience of watching the gay man for whom I had risked my whole career, self-destruct before my eyes and thus enormously increase the hostility that my critics were heaping upon me, brought back those sleepless nights when I wrestled with whether or not I had done the right thing.

   Other moments, however, were of such joy that I smiled from head to toe. One such scene recalled the time when I, as a new bishop, laid my hands on the head of the Dean of St. Mary's Cathedral in Johannesburg making him Bishop of Lesotho in South Africa, thus launching a fabulous career. His name? Desmond Tutu. Another was the portrayal of my growing relationship with one Christine Barney, who in 1990 became not only my wife but so much more. She is my partner in every phase of my life personally and professionally. She is also my soul mate; the one who gives my life its ultimate sweetness and wonder.

Memories of opening night will long linger in a special place among my souvenirs.

— John Shelby Spong
(The above is an excerpt from Bishop Spong's online column A Christianity for the New World.)